Letter to my 20 Year-Old Self

Kendall, 

Life’s been pretty rough lately huh bud? I know you are walking through probably one of the hardest times of your life. Questioning who you are, most of what you know to be true, and asking the biggest questions in life. Well brace yourself, bro, you’re never going to believe what God’s about to do. 

If you were reading this, most of what I’m about to say is going to sound so outlandish, so impossible, and honestly a little weird that you’re going to think I’m making this up. But, like I said you are never going to believe what God is about to do. 

I know football and grades and your social life are going pretty well. But I also know what almost no one else knows. I know the secrets, the times you spend alone drunk, the empty relationships you have, and that gnawing emptiness you feel, especially when you achieve many of your dreams. 

Remember when you were twelve and you dreamed of getting a football scholarship, “making it out”? Well, I know you know that happened, but if we’re honest, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be huh?  I know by now you’re starting to realize that there is something more to life than what you’ve been living for. 

And here is when I tell you some things that are going to be hard to believe. Kendall, you’re lost. I want to help you to embrace it because even though you know it, it’s been kind of hard to accept huh? The empty bottles, empty achievements, empty weekends, and superficial relationships have been trying to tell you something for a while. I know it’s been hard to accept. 

But I have some really good news for you bro. Your life is not a waste. You mistreated a lot of people, and honestly you should feel sorry. You have told a lot of lies, let a lot of people down and you’ve hurt a whole lot of people, especially family and girls. The good news is this, in just one day everything is going to change. No, I don’t think you understand what I mean so let me spell it out. Everything is going to change.

See on March 27th you’re going to be driving down I55 south coming home from Tx back to school. You’re going to be listening to some Kirk Franklin worship music Aunt Sandy gave you. I know, sounds weird huh?… Well, I’m just getting started. 

It’s going to be a breaking point, a place of full surrender, and no exaggeration, THE defining moment in your life. The drugs, alcohol, sex, weekend life, lies, jail time, hospital bed, blackouts, and all of the guilt of running from God are going to kind of converge on you. It will be unbearable, but not just your screw-ups. For the very first time in your life you're going to see something, well actually someone. 

You’ve “known” about Jesus. But for the first time, you’re going to see Him and see your need for him. You’re going to break down and through a jumbled set of tear-filled words say something like “you said you could forgive me for my sins, I’ll take it.” And with that, you are going to put your trust in the life, death, burial and resurrection of Jesus to save you….

Did I say everything is going to change? Well, this is when things start to get unbelievable. Kendall, you are going to become a Christian. I know, I know, you’ve always been one. But I mean you are actually going to enter into a real relationship with the living God. Things are going to change, not just on the outside, but on the inside. You’re going to love God. 

Better yet, you’re going to love God more than getting drunk, hooking up, going out, and… wait for it, football. Yep, more than football. But this is just the start. You’re going to have some incredible people come into your life, some of the best friends in the world, and some of the most impactful relationships in your entire life. You’ll meet your best man, your spiritual mentor will become like a father figure to you, you’ll gain friendships with people in the church and feel more accepted than ever have. 

Even more good news, your mom and dad’s lives will be flipped upside down by Jesus, you’ll see countless people come into the kingdom of God on your football team, and here is the crazy part. Instead of business or football, you are going to decide to go into full-time ministry. 

HA! Ya you. 

You’re going to invest your greatest energy seeking to reach people on college campuses throughout the country like you had been reached. You’re going to spend your time engaging a whole bunch of guys like you who are looking for life and meaning and purpose. Dude, God is going to change people's lives by using your messed up, broken, but REDEEMED LIFE TO MAGNIFY HIS INCREDIBLE POWER. 

But man, if all of that sounds good, it gets even better. I know this is a sensitive area but look bud, you haven’t done relationships well. In fact, you’ve done them horribly. You aren't very trustworthy, you aren't very loving, and well you’ve used and hurt a lot of people. I told you you’re never going to believe what God is about to do. 

Kendall, you’re going to meet somebody. No not just “another” somebody. You’re going to meet a girl that’s completely different from anyone you’ve ever met. In fact, at first, you’re not going to be too intrigued. You going to think ah “she’s too good for me,” and you’re going to be right. But you’ll never believe how right you are. She’s going to be kind, loyal, beautiful, and sweeter than anyone you’ve ever met. She’s going to love God more than you… don’t fret you’re going to love that about her. 

You’re going to try and screw it up and run away because you’re scared of true love and of a committed relationship, I know you well. But dude, she’s not going to quit on you when you do and it’s going absolutely melt your heart. She’s going to show you love you’ve never experienced and in about five years you’re going to make the best decision of your new life and say I do. 

You may be overwhelmed by now with how good this is, but man there’s more. You’re going to marry this girl and start a whole ministry where many people's lives are going to be changed. It’s going to be so good you’re going to recognize that all along God was preparing you fodr this and for one big purpose, He really loves you and He’s going to use you to make His name great. 

I know family life growing up wasn’t the best, but ten years from now you’re not going to believe it. You’re going to have three incredibly beautiful, (one more on the way ;) )healthy little kids and a family that’s unlike anything you would have ever imagined. 

From time to time you’re going to wake up and think to yourself, how in the world did I receive so much that I didn’t deserve? I told you you’d never believe what God is going to do. Until next time bud. I can’t wait to tell you what He is going to do ten years after this. 

-Kendall

March 26, 2017